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Dead Reckoning: Syd to Mel Normcore Bike Tour Day 09

DEAD RECKONING, Syd 2 Mel Normcore Bicycle Tour

Dead Reckoning: Syd to Mel Normcore Bike Tour Day 09

November 20, 2015 | Melbourne

A very nice way to end our trip.

Dead Reckoning: Syd to Mel Normcore Bike Tour Day 09


I Day 09 Stats & Intro

START – STOP: Melbourne – Melbourne






RIDING TIME: 0:00:00




POINTS OF INTEREST / OBJECTIVES: Luna Park. St. Kilda Salt Baths. Downtown Melbourne. Some nice dining experiences.


WEATHER: Sunny with a bit of wind. Shorts and long sleeves weather.



We did what we could do while in Melbourne for a day. Three sumptuous meals. A trip to an aging but regal amusement park, and an afternoon bobbing and soaking in the St. Kilda salt baths. It was a very nice way to end our trip.

  • 10:15am: Breakfast at the Galleon Cafe.
  • 10:45am: Meet up with Sam from Specialized Australia. He gives us a nice little tour of downtown Melbourne.
  • 2:00pm: Radio Mexico for Lunch. The tacos are not bad, considering our distance from Mexico.
  • 2:45pm: Visit Luna Park. Take photos in the trick mirrors. Decide the rides are just not for us.
  • 3:15pm: Head to the St. Kilda seawater baths. Watch some people basically have sex in the public pool. Deal with it and keep chilling.
  • 5:00pm: Pack bikes, gear, etc.
  • 8:00pm: Have a walk to Claypots for dinner.
  • 10:00pm: Sleep!

II Yonder Journo's Dingo Lingo

Communication is a KEY component to an effective and efficient investigation of a culture. In order to 1) understand what people are saying, 2) fit in, 3) keep your foot out of your mouth11You won’t make the mistake of telling your wife you’re looking forward to sharing a coupla sluzzas with friends after dinner because you assumed a sluzza was a mixed ice drink not unlike a blended margarita., and 4) demonstrate respect via a willingness and excitement to learn, Yonder Journal collaborated with a team of Australian Linguists and Cultural Anthropologists to create an interactive glossary module of common expressions. Especially those which we’d be likely to hear and/or use in the context of a Normcore Bicycle Tour in the Australian In-and-Outback.

SHEILA : woman.


JOURNO : journalist.

III Melbourne

We didn't smoke cigars, we didn't gamble, we didn't play pool, or even turn into half-mule children. But I am pretty sure we told some lies. Despite this indiscretion, we escaped Luna Park without having to go through a Pinocchio "sewing his oats" scene. And we all know how embarrassing that would've been.
Don't make the mistake of looking at this image too long. Dang. Sorry. You did.
Mr. Cadbury took some time out his busy day laying eggs to pose for a photo. It was an honor sir.
Love hits you when you least expect.
You saw it here first! Sorry Scott Schuman, looks like you were too slow on the trigger.
Kevin [thinking], "Hmm, I wonder if Lachlan is having any luck getting one of those crime pigs with the grappling hook. I would love one for the desk in my office."

Lachlan [thinking], "This might be the saddest game I've ever seen. All these trapped stuffed pigs living their lives in a fish bowl, only to be snatched around the head by a metal claw, dropped in a chute, and taken home where they will surely be lit on fire by a sadistic older brother or sister."
You're allowed to dream kids. You are allowed.
Everyone's searching for a happy ending.

IV Trip Tricks: Day 09

Address: 18 Lower Esplanade, St Kilda VIC 3182, Australia | Phone Number: +61 03 9525 5033 | Hours of Operation: It’s ComplicatedEmail: n/a | Price: $$ | Key Words: Sorcery, Childhood Trauma, Anti-Gravity

Tetanus-washed, Willy Wonka-inspired, gravity-fed whiplash contraptions with a focus on projectile vomiting for all ages and—of course—light sexual experimentation for your teens.


“There was a time when clowns dominated the early childhood entertainment scene with their big noses, wildly colored hair, and patchwork suits. But I think that time has passed, and maybe the world agrees with me.”—Kyle von Hoetzendorff


“One of the worse theme park in Victoria the customer service is awful,staff is very immature don’t no how to deal with young kids. Rides are not safe you never know when it will pull a part. Make sure you have taken a life insurance before jumping on to the rides. I won’t be taking my kids back there. At last,tickets are over priced….! Disappointed disappointed disappointed”—Ricky Kaher

Address: 10/18 Jacka Blvd, St Kilda VIC 3182, Australia | Phone Number: +61 3 9593 8228 | Hours of Operation: Mon/Thur 5am -11pm, Fri 5am -10pm, Sat/Sun 7am-8pm | Email: n/a | Price: $ | Key Words: Relaxing, Voyeuristic, Salty

Drawing its rejuvenating water from the harbor-tainted sea water just offshore, the St. Kilda Sea Baths heat that water up to a comfortably warm temperature, allowing you to play in the ocean without the fear of catching pneumonia or getting attacked by a tiger shark.


“We were pretty excited to get into these pools, and they didn’t disappoint. After a long week on the bike it was great to just bob around in the warm water, safe from roving tiger sharks and errant speed boats. What I wasn’t expecting was the amount of heavy petting that was cracking off in these very public pools. Needless to say, don’t put your head below the water unless you want to take something back to the States that you’ll have a hard time explaining.”—Kyle von Hoetzendorff


“Chillin all the way back!”—Kevin Korando


“I love this place and I’ve only been twice. I like to progress from pool to hydro spa to steam room, and a little time in the bay just outside is the ‘I am alive’ element to top it off. Bright environment with friendly fellow bathers.”—Mary Hughes

Address: 213 Barkly St, St Kilda VIC 3182, Australia | Phone Number: +61 3 9534 1282 | Hours of Operation: 12:00 pm – 1:00 am | Email: n/a | Price: $$$$ | Key Words: Clay Pots, Giant Prawns, Challenging Process

The sea provides, and when it’s done providing we’re done for the night. We’re going to have an amazing selection of food, just make sure you get here before everyone else does or that amazing selection of food is going to be long gone. Just like our oceans’ natural resources.


“Admittedly we didn’t get seated until late but we thought hey, this is Melbourne, this is a happening city, an eater’s city, a culinary city, surely there will be food enough to go around? As it turned out Claypots runs a hardcore first-come first-serve and let’s-do-our-best-to-sell-out-of-everything program. Well, that night they did a great job because ordering was a bit like getting last year’s Advent calendar on the first day of December. Nothing was available. Fortunately, the kitchen was able to scrape something together and the food we wound up with was truly delicious. Next time I’m back in Melbourne I’ll be sure to set up camp in front of Claypots so I won’t miss a thing.”—Kyle von Hoetzendorff


“Great place, Wish they would have their bands listed so you know what’s on.”—Geoff Whitelaw

Too Easy Tee

In Australia they have a saying, Too Easy. What’s Too Easy you might ask? Well, in the land down under just about everything. It’s a universal rejoinder, acknowledgement, and affirmation. Ordering a coffee, Too Easy. Riding your scooter to the pie shop, Too Easy. Chilling against a wall, Too Easy. Everything in OZ is TOO EASY.

Syd 2 Mel Normcore Bicycle Tour
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