Project Y: DK 200 Race Day
June 3, 2017 | Emporia, KS
We’ve arrived at the Dirty Kanza 200. For Project Y this would be the final test: our Subject Athletes had put in months of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual training in order to prepare themselves for this event.
We’ve arrived at the Dirty Kanza 200. For Project Y this would be the final test: our Subject Athletes had put in months of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual training in order to prepare themselves for this event. Pain Caves? The work they put in was more like Pain Mining, or perhaps we should think of them as Pain Morlocks—underground denizens of training and suffering. Whatever the case, the Subject Athletes crossed deserts and mountains, oceans and rivers, security checks and interstates to get to this point.We were impressed—and we’ve seen a ton of amazing things (we do have the internet). You should be impressed too.”- YJ
At this point, you’ve got to be curious about how the team finished up, and about the positive and negative effects of our rigorous and highly experimental program. We’d love to share this with you, but then we’d be scooping ourselves, because we have a feature-length documentary coming out that will focus on their journey. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have some keen insights and information to share with you.
So here are a couple of dos and don’ts for the Dirty Kanza:
- DO: Stay in the college dorms. It’s convenient that the race actually passes in front of them, the wifi is good, and you have the opportunity to bring and sleep in your own bedding (read: you do need to bring your own bedding/pillow in order to sleep comfortably).
- DON’T: Pay for the buffet at the college cafeteria. We’re pretty sure that this food has been kept in a nuclear fallout bunker since the height of the Cold War; the meat was made from rubber, the fruit glowed in the dark, and the coffee was pumped in from the duck pond in the quad. Also it was like $17 a person.
- DO: Ride a Specialized Diverge. Guys/Gals, yes we’re sponsored by Specialized, but you know if these bikes with their amazing future shock weren’t the bee’s knees, we could just leave them off our list. The thing is, ALL of the SA’s were so impressed with how well the bike worked. What’s more, their fellow competitors were also enamored with the bikes during the race, in the throes of exhaustion. Now that’s saying something.
- DON’T: Take a shower before the race. It’s a complete waste of time. Basically you’re just burning water.
- DO: Run tubeless. Guys/Gals I know. This horse is dead, but we’re still beating it because as much as we throttle this popr deceased animal, it turns out that some of you still don’t get it.
- DON’T: Forget your sunscreen. It doesn’t matter if you’re racing, supporting, or just out to spectate, that middle-of-the-country sun is no joke. Which, when you think about it, makes sense. It’s so far away from any ocean, and as everyone knows, the water in the ocean absorbs the sun’s rays, lessening your chance of being burned. Don’t believe me? It’s in here somewhere.
- DO: If you have a dietary program that works for you—let’s say mixing kombucha, Orange Beer, and Muscle Milk all together in your bottles) then stick to it. Our research shows that sticking to your established dietary plan is of critical importance.
- DON’T: Crash. So many people crashed. And here’s the thing: the Dirty Kanza is a race. Whether you’re going for a podium finish or you’re just trying to beat a certain time, every second counts. The problem with crashing is that it slows you down, your bike can get damaged, your body can be injured. And it’s not like once the crash is over its effects are over, nooooo no, you’ll have to ride with those injuries and that broken bike throughout the race. Also, now there is cow dookie all over the place so your risk of infection goes up. Trust us—the best thing to do is to just not crash.
- DO: FINISH FINISH FINISH. You can do it!
- DO: Sign up. The majority of the film crew had such a wonderful experience at this year’s race that they intend to sign up next year. Hopefully they get treated to the same extremely kind weather.