2014 Tour of Utah: Stage 06
No elk sightings today.
I Race Report
- At approximately 5:19 PM this evening while dining with Ian at the Blue Iguana, I received a voicemail from Shawn Brett, Peloton Sports Media Coordinator/Visual Asset Manager, informing me that he was able to secure access to a Photo Moto for tomorrow's Stage 7 of the Tour of Utah. I like Shawn a lot. Mostly because he's nice and easy to STS with (#chiller), and because for some reason he believes us when we tell him that Manual for Speed is the Preeminent Cycling Thing. Also, he runs Tulsa Tough which is #thebest American Crit race in the world, even if the Arkansas River is only ankle deep and even if Oklahoma is, well, Oklahoma. Point is, thanks Shawn for not Rodney Dangerfielding us like the rest. I'm going to take the shit out of some photographs tomorrow. Scenics, landscapes, actions shots, all of them. Provided, that is, that we get up in time.
- FTR (For The Record), Ian "An Unfair Advantage" Marshall is the acting producer of this publishing campaign. As such, he is responsible for scheduling and logistics. Today, Ian woke us up an hour late because he forgot about the existence/phenomenon of Time Change, Time Zones and Mountain Daylight Time. Ian also assumed the race started today the same time it did yesterday, it didn't. It started an hour earlier. It's in the book but Ian didn't read the book because, well, I'm not sure why Ian didn't read the book. At any rate we got up today exactly five minutes after the race started.
- Dear Preston Yardley, I sincerely apologize for not being at the start this morning. PLEASE SEE ABOVE. At any rate, I hope we're able to meet tomorrow in Park City at some point.
- Observation #1: The Larry H. Miller Tour of Utah is going to be America’s single best Stage Race (ever) within the next two years. The vibe is right. The geography and topography are right. Everything is right. Except for the embarrassing lack of fans and spectators, the crowds here are anemic.
- Observation #2: Listening to Tour Of Utah announcer/commentator/MC Dave Towle say TOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY DEEEEEEEEEEE over the PA system over and over again may induce free-floating agoraphobic-like anxiety. It may also inspire you to invade a helpless peace loving country, and/or send you into bouts of pica.
- Observation #3: In addition to TOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYY DEEEEEEE it’s also OOOOOONN LIKE DONKEY KOOOOOOONG all day long over here at the Tour of Utah.
- Observation #4: Because today’s Tour of Utah coverage is, for several different reasons (the least of which may or may not have something to do with our lack of being anywhere near Stage 6 of the Tour of Utah for most of the day), lacking in substance, and because we have a next-level substantive Fan Club installment ready to publish, and because this Fan Club features the same Kiel Reijnen who finished 3rd in yesterday’s Tour of Utah Stage Five, you, the reader, should go there now. Okay maybe not NOW now but soon. As in as soon as you can finish reading this sub-standard Race Report you should go there. When you’re ready, click the photo below.
- Observation #5: It’s hard to explain, but imagine a Dubstep Family. A father and mother, two daughters, and one son, all of them committed to the #Dubstep #Lifestyle. Including—but not limited to!—listening to Dubstep, long cornrow-style braids, raver JNCO Jean-style flared pants, and Juggalo-style face paint. Thing is, they appeared to be very loving, very well adjusted, and very family-fun oriented. They were just like you and me and anybody really, except they clearly spend 87% of their leisure time and money on Dubstep pursuits.