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2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 01

2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 01

Yesterday was a Sunday, today is a Monday, when do Businesses in France do Business? Do the French value commerce? Do the French trade goods and services with each other?

2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 01

I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII
HIGH POINTS
  • At approximately 12:35 PM this afternoon we exited the A-10 at Aire Des Plains du Beauce, and there was a PAUL.
LOW POINTS
  • Due to unforeseen logistical setbacks (see Shower Adventures) and various other issues and confusions, Manual for Speed arrived at the start area with three minutes and 45 seconds left to photograph the start area before needing to leave the start area.

I At Breakfast Today

Raoul claims he heard wolves “crying” (howling) in the woods behind Downtown Alley.

II Shower Adventures Episode Two: The Seated Shower

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  1. What is is a Seated Shower? A Seated Shower is a half-shower, half-bathtub hybrid that doesn’t require (allow for) standing. Because the shower head is located roughly 19 inches above the kneeling/seating surface the user can simply sit under the flow of water, there’s no need to stand, in fact you can’t. That’s the whole point!
  2. The Seated Shower is perfect for training. If all you’ve ever done is bathe, showers can be intimidating. The seated shower provides an intermediary step. Which means beginners have a chance to familiarize themselves with the mechanics of a shower head without the fear of slipping and/or falling.
  3. The seated Shower is perfect for adult babies. For more information on adult babies please click here.
  4. The seated shower is perfect for the elderly and handicapped.
  5. The seated shower is perfect for sex acts. Especially otherwise “messy” sex acts.

III An Enumerated Summary of the Paris-Nice Website’s Stage 1 Race Summary

  1. The peloton leaves Saint-Rémy-lès-Chevreuse without Geoffrey Soupe (Fra-Cofidis), appointed pilot fish Nacer Bouhanni (Fra-Cofidis), still feverish and therefore not up for that first step.
  2. Hivert voluntarily quits his adventure in the front, after a race during which time only 33 kilometers were covered. If he does not believe in its prospects, a teammate, Anthony Delaplace takes over and leaves the peloton at km 38, followed by Thomas Voeckler.
  3. On a reaction of pride, however, they manage to surprise the peloton momentarily on acceleration and reassemble their advantage to 2′.
  4. Just after packing engaged less than 20 kilometers from the line, the progression of the pack is barely interrupted by the fall of Tom Boonen, who left the race with a damaged left arm.
  5. The scenario of the stage Contres, promised to sprinters, has not escaped the forecast, although the final was disrupted by the fall and the abandonment of Tom Boonen, who offered respite and some hope the two escapees of the day, Thomas Voeckler and Anthony Delaplace.
  6. The sprint then confirmed the current domination of Alexander Kristoff, which we measure the progress since the 2014 Paris-Nice.
  7. This year, he continued his show of strength in the long term: after 4 victories in the Tour of Qatar and Tour of Oman, Kristoff seizes her first bouquet with a nice head start on Nacer Bouhanni.
  8. Michal Kwiatkowski retains the overall lead.

IV A Typological Guide to the Paris–Nice Team Sponsors

I know what you’re thinking: over 63% of the time, Professional Road Cycling Team Names are just made up words that have no relationship to reality. You’re thinking that maybe it’s because the URL was available, or possibly it’s an obscure reference to the team owner’s childhood nickname, or maybe it’s just an acronym (i.e. Call Owen For Insane Deals Inside Slovenia) or something right? But it can’t be the name of something real, because nothing real would ever be so boring and uninspired. Well that’s just not true; it turns out that a little under 103% of the time, Team Names are adopted (literally and with zero interpretation) from their Title Sponsor(s) who are invariably business companies of one sort or another. For example Call Owen For Insane Deals Inside Slovenia—it turns out that Cofidis is actually a French money-lending company. I know what you’re thinking, wait, how could the world lack THAT much imagination?, especially when it has implications regarding the branding of a professional sports team? That’s certainly a worthy and interesting question, albeit one which we may never know the answer to. But, now that we know Team Names are NOT meaningless nonsense words, let’s take a look at the 2015 Paris-Nice Team line-up11Thanks to Klaus for the breakdown below. from this new perspective.

The 20 Teams of Paris–Nice
Regrettably, five teams failed to show up for Monday's Team Car Lookbook Photoshooting.

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Ag2r-La Mondiale: Savings and insurance.
Astana: Several Kazakh-owned companies.
Bretagne-Seche Environment: Local government and recycling.
BMC Racing Team - Bicycles. Name originally stood for "Bicycle Manufacturing Company."
Team Cannondale-Garmin: Bicycles, satellite navigation.
Cofidis: Sub-prime loans.
Etixx-Quick Step: Nutritional supplements and laminated flooring (Etixx-Quick Step did not report to the photoshoot).
Team Europcar: Car rental.
FDJ: French lottery.
Team Giant-Alpecin: Bicycles and caffeine shampoo.
IAM Cycling: Fund management.
Katusha: Energy and defense.
Lampre-Merida: Rolled steel and bicycles (Lampre-Merida did not report to the photoshoot).
Team Lotto NL-Jumbo: Lottery and supermarket.
Lotto-Soudal: Lottery and caulking.
Orica-Green Edge: Chemicals and explosives; Green Edge is a placeholder until the team can get another sponsor (Orica-GreenEdge did not report to the photoshoot).
Movistar: Mobile telecommunications (Movistar did not report to the photoshoot).
Tinkoff-Saxo: Credit cards and banking.
Team Sky: Telecommunications.
Trek Factory Racing: Bicycles.

V Paris–Nice Stage 01 Playlist by Sensa FM

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VI Raoul's Race Forecast Presented by A Typology of Raoul and French Front Doors

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Raoul’s Stage 1 Race Prediction

 

First Place: Alexander Kristoff

Second Place: Andre Greipel

Third Place: Nacer Bouhanni

 

 

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Stage 1 Race Reality

 

First Place: Alexander Kristoff

Second Place: Nacer Bouhanni

Third Place: Bryan Coquard

VII Start: Saint-Remy-Les-Chevreuse

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Find me a rider in the pro peloton taller than Stijn Vandenbergh and I'll eat my hat.
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#casualbaguette

VIII Saint-Arnoult-En-Yvelines

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The French are just so... #FRENCH.
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These arrows may cause dizziness.
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Here
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they
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come!

IX 80 Kilometers Intermission & Extreme Boredom

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X Peronville

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After this photograph was taken the dude in the red and white striped shirt walked over to where I was standing, posted-up no more than three feet behind me, and farted, loud and shamelessly. He was vibing proud and strong and wearing a striped shirt. The fart felt like a warning shot across my bow, like, "Hey you can take my photo, thats cool, but then if you do, it's on."
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Here is a POV video of someone driving a Peugeot 205 Sacré Numéro.
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Also, five minutes later I caught him using the trunk of a Mercedes Stations wagon as a tripod for his iPhone. Which iPhone he keeps in a leather case.
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XI Road to Contres

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THAT is a castle.
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I talked to this gentleman for about eight minutes. He doesn’t speak English, and I made it clear that I don’t speak French, but that didn’t stop this dude. Nope, not one bit. He told me about all kinds of shit. I don't know what, but I know for certain it was good shit, he just looks like the kind of dude that tells you good shit, about who got arrested for shoplifting and who’s having who’s baby and about the metal he has in his head from the accident, and about how he’s stealing cable from neighbor but don’t tell the neighbor because everybody knows the neighbor isn't really from this town anyway. Also, he might have been asking for a cigarette, how am I supposed to know? I told you, I don’t speak French. And really the whole time I was like dude, you remind me of a sea lion or maybe a walrus—that is if a walrus was inclined to hang halfway out a basement window to watch a bike race go past, not that a walrus wouldn't be inclined to do that, but listen, seriously, you’re like a really friendly sea lion in a blue sweater. #life #blessed #travel
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XII Contres

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XIII A Piecemeal 360° View from the Roof of the Best Apartment in France

Saint‐Aignan, Loir-et-Cher Department
La Terrasse d'Octave 14 Rue Anatole France, 41110 Saint‐Aignan Booking.com Listing (Opens in a new tab.)

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