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2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 02

2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 02

Where are all the people over the age of 8, and under the age of 50?

2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 02

I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII
HIGH POINTS
  • Checking into a castle, and the subsequent tour of said castle.
LOW POINTS
  • The worst song ever. Which we heard over and over. [See below.]

 

FR.PN.2.1

 

Are You With Me by Lost Frequencies

 

This Field Recording made on 10 March 2015 outside Saint-Aignan, France.

 


 

I Shower Adventures, Episode Three: The Fire Hose Shower Head

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The trick to using this type of shower is to submit to these seven basic rules (presented in order for your convenience—based on a right hand dominant scenario) because you are going to sooner or later, trust us.

 

  1. Before turning the shower on remove the shower head unit from the wall mount and place the shower head unit on the floor of the shower with the nozzle pointed away from you, toward the wall.
  2. Place one foot or a heavy waterproof object on the shower head unit, then turn the shower on slowly and gradually, in increments.
  3. DO NOT bring the shower up to “full speed” before entering the shower zone and pulling the shower curtain closed behind you completely.
  4. Pick-up the shower head unit with your left hand, use a firm grip.
  5. While still holding the shower head unit with your left hand (firm grip!), bring the shower up to full speed using your right hand.
  6. Then place the shower head unit firmly into the wall mount.
  7. Begin showering!

II #stormchasing #infrontofthepeloton

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Below is an example of a typical conversation in Manual for Speed’s Team Car during any of the MANY vast blocks of time with basically nothing to do and nowhere to go, #stormchasing #infrontofthepeloton. Please note: Before this real world non-fictional exchange took place there had been about 10 minutes of absolute silence while Daniel played chess on his iPhone, Ian drove, Raoul stared out the window at the fields going past, and Keiran slept slumped against the window with her scarf wrapped around her head like a homeless mummy. Then suddenly, Daniel began speaking apropos of nothing. Also, it should be noted that as quickly and spontaneously as this conversation erupted, it abated entirely. Leaving us with uninterrupted FM FUN accompanied by the sound of fields going past once again.

 

  • Daniel: “I don’t know if we take them here. Do we take them here?”
  • Ian: “Is there coffee in this town?
  • Keiran: “What are you looking for or will you just know it when you see it?”
  • Raoul: “It’s like in falling love.”

 


 

FR.PN.2.2

 

European Dir. Raoul Sturme Gets Help

 

This Field Recording made on 10 March 2015 outside Saint-Aignan, France.

 


III I’LL EAT THAT!!! with Ian Marshall

“Giving snackers around the world an Unfair Advantage”

 

Croustillantes Gout Bolognaise11

Purchased From: Carrefour

Retail Price: N/A

Description: Spaghetti flavoured potato chips.

Summary: “They really do taste like spaghetti!, especially the aftertaste!”

 

Carrefour Biscuits Cacaotes: “Black and Roll22

Purchased From: Carrefour

Retail Price: N/A

Description: Off-brand Oreos.

Summary: “The white stuff was pretty much the same.”

 

Curly les Balls Cacahuete33

Purchased From: Carrefour

Retail Price: N/A

Description: It’s basically a breadstick ball with peanut butter in the center.

Summary: “The outside is like a crappy bread stick you get from the olive garden, and the inside is filled with peanut butter. But not good peanut butter. Nowhere even close to being as good as Trader Joe’s peanut butter filled pretzels.”

 

Carrefour Tube Goût Fromage44

Purchased From: Carrefour

Retail Price: N/A

Description: Basically Bugles™.

Summary: “They’re Bugles™ made with a sharp white cheddar, still tastes good and processed.”

IV Klaus’ Kliff Knotes: Prologue thru Stage 02

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As is often the case, Paris-Nice started this year with a Prologue. The 6.7 kilometer route (that’s 4.1 miles for those of the Imperial persuasion) left little room for error, and favored more explosive riders. In the end it was Kwiatkowski who took the win, ahead of an impressive list of competitors that included Tony Martin—who only recently stopped his training as a police officer in Germany.

 

Stage 1, from Saint-Rémy-lès-Chevreuse to Contres was one for the sprinters, both in terms of the finish, as well as the intermediate sprint, which allowed Dagenkolb and Matthews to pick up points and bonus seconds along the way. Despite the expected breaks featuring French riders, the peloton caught the last riders with 1.5 kilometers to go. Katusha gave Alexander Kristoff a well-timed lead-out, allowing him to win—a frustrating result for French sprinters Nacer Buhanni and Bryan Coquard who came in second and third respectively.

 

Stage 2 was bound to be yet another day for the sprinters, despite attempts by Cannondale-Garmin to break things up by pulling hard during apparent crosswinds, unfortunately their efforts didn’t seem to affect anyone. The arrival of a collected peloton into Saint-Amand-Montrond (a town with a list of famous residents that is five people long, and includes a college professor) set things up for a bunch sprint, which André Greipel (nickname: Gorilla) won. This meant that there were no significant changes to the overall classification, and that the real race for the GC will begin on Stage Four into Croix de Chaubouret.

 

V Observations from our First Time Sleeping in a Scooby-Doo Castle

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  1. Tedious at first. Castles live in the woods (#duh) and castles don’t believe in asphalt so the road through the woods was unpaved, big time.
  2. Difficult to check-in to. Castles are surrounded by castle walls and you can’t park inside the castle walls because they need all that room for jousting contests and public executions. Parking is basically on the far side of the moat, a moat that has been filled-in with gravel, and gravel is not roller-tech compatible, which means you have to carry your roller bag. Also the staircases are circular and cold and damp. And yeah, no elevators. So first impressions at this point, not the best.
  3. Glorious the moment we entered our room.
The bed! The chairs and tables and wallpaper and tapestries and battle shields! The view of the forest!”- Daniel Pasley
  1. EXACTLY like Scooby-Doo said it would be: knights in armor in all the corners, a dungeon, most of the paintings stare at you when you walk past, weird noises, probably a ghost, a caretaker!!!!!, hidden doorways and passages (alas, no passages specifically designed for concubines), a chapel with stained glass windows, 17 fireplaces all of which are big enough to burn any of the smaller Peugeots, a curio room, etc.
Chateau de Peufeilhoux
Offering an outdoor pool, B&B Château de Peufeilhoux is set in 74 acres of forest located in Vallon-en-Sully. It is given a rating of 5 épis out of 5 by "Gîtes de France". Free WiFi access is available.

Booking.com Listing (Opens in a new tab.)

→→→ SCROLL TO THE RIGHT →→→

VI Paris–Nice Stage 02 Playlist by FUN FM

VII ZooParc de Beauval, Saint-Aignan

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Zoo Parc de Beauval admission, adults and children 11 and over: €28. Traveler's checks are accepted for entry, but not in any of the gift shops.
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There are no Ben Hermans autographs currently for sale on eBay.
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BMC was founded by American Bob Bigelow in 1986, after he lost his Raleigh distributor's license.
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The Gorilla!!!!!!!!!! At the zoo!!!!!!! We saw the Gorilla... at the zoo.
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We saw this guy too! Hi guy!

VIII Along the Course

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20 km in, facing forward.
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20 km in, facing behind.
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40 km in, facing forward.
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40 km in, facing behind.

IX Saint-Pierre-de-Jards

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Saint-Pierre-de-Jards is the "downhill town." It has a population of 120. Paris–Nice started out with 198 riders.
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A Powerpoint presentation by a European condom distributor explains the appeal of the Durex Jeans brand thusly: "Durex Jeans is cool love wear. It is trendy and it is comfort wear - just like Denim Jeans Hence the brand name Jeans. Trendy Blue Condom for Cool Lovemaking Jeans is Cool. It is available at cheap price."
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X A Typology of Raoul and French Front Doors
Part Deux

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XI A Nondescript Uphill Road Through a Nondescript Field in the Nondescript French Countryside

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The gentleman wearing blue pants, you know the one we’re talking about, he’s looking RIGHT AT YOU, yeah that one, anyway, after this photograph was taken he walked over to me and tried to physically remove this photograph from my camera. Let me tell you: he was upset. If any of our readers knows this gentleman, please post this on your Facebook page and tag him.
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"Blue and red are associated with the Virgin Mary, the patron saint of France, and were the colours of the oriflamme."—Wikipedia
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"There is significantly more Tinkoff yellow and less Saxo blue than on the 2014 jersey. Sportful claimed the new design is similar to the fluorescent kit the team used for the 2014 Tour de France, suggesting the bright colours will make the athletes more visible to their teammates, support vehicles and fans, and help differentiate the riders from the leaders jerseys in races. Along with the Russian national flag, the team kit features the name Tinkoff in Cyrillic."—CyclingNews
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Kasual Klub Clothing Collection Now Available!

XII Côte de la Tour

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Adam Hansen has finished in the last ten grand tours he has participated in. He lives in Frýdlant nad Ostravicí, Czech Republic. Frýdlant nad Ostravicí's coat of arms features a mostly-nude blacksmith who protects himself for hot molten metal by wearing only an apron.
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Marco Coledan's birthday is on August 22nd. The same as Tori Amos and Gza from the Wu-Tang Clan.

XIII Saint-Amand-Montrond

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Butt in French = popotin, don't Google that at work. #barricadebutts
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Hey Jack, you makin' some new friends?
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PopSugar has some incredibly unhelpful/obvious tips for not blinking during a photo.
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"So I says to him, I says..."
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"Hello? Yes, he's doing it again. All he does is post on Facebook about his amazing pants, and how many pockets they have."
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Peace out!
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