2015 Paris–Nice: Stage 04
Not all Haribo gummy candies are delicious. I’m not saying just stick with the bears, but it’s definitely not the worst idea.
- That today wasn't yesterday.
- That today was today still and not tomorrow.
I Three Notable Observations from Stage 04
Today’s KEY Observation: No matter how hard we look at it and project our desires onto it, this race is still Paris-Nice and not Tirreno-Adriatico.
Today’s Other Observation: Europe doesn’t have (wild) animals because they ate them all, like, a thousand years ago or something.
Today’s Other Other Observation: All the Côtes feature stacks of old car tires piled up and on display somewhere near the edge of the road. What’s the story with that? Are old car tires hill-top farming tools? Are they art?
Today’s Last Observation: Today’s Playlist includes at least two, maybe more, non-ironic, actually good songs. So please spend some extra time with the Stage 04 Playlist if you can.
II MFS Day Five Update
- It’s 1:33 AM.
- Raoul ordered fried prawns for dinner tonight. They came with the head and shell or skin whatever. The head was easy, you rip that off and discard it because you’re a westerner, and you eat like you were born some place where a proper appreciation for protein was not instilled at an early age. But the shells, can you eat those? Raoul didn’t. Ian did. Which leads me to a Question: I can hear Ian snoring in the other room so I know he’s not dead yet, but is he going to die, from the shells?
- Why are we at this race? By the end of Stage One it was clear that this race was boring. Big time. I made a comment to Raoul about it and he said, “Yeah, that’s why I told you to go to the Strade Bianche and Tirreno-Adriatico.” I vaguely remember that email but at the time I remember thinking, the schedule was set, we’re locked. Who put this race on that schedule? Why was/is this race on that schedule, and who does the setting!? After my conversation with Raoul I started asking other people about this race, and invariably everyone says this race is stupid. Klaus had this semi-constructive thing to say about this race:
- Whatever the implications and ramifications of being at this race are, we stayed at a Scooby-Doo castle, and nobody can take that away from us.
- The race is boring but France is not, just pack salt.
- Five days ago or whatever, when we were in Paris, some French dude stopped me on the street to talk about Baltimore on account of my Orioles baseball cap. Apparently he lived there for several years and fell in love with baseball. I enjoyed talking to him.
- Not all Haribo gummy candies are delicious. I’m not saying just stick with the bears, but it’s definitely not the worst idea.
III Dear Nike
We know that the reason you haven’t responded to any of our letters is because you are super busy designing and manufacturing Flyknits and not because you don’t care about us. We get it, right now, considering your work load, you don’t have the time for us. Which is so totally true, you don’t have the time for us!, that doesn’t matter, we don’t mind, we totally get it. You’ll call when you can, we know that. You’ve got a lot on your plate, and look, you are AWESOME at flyknits, nothing can change that. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!!!! Okay, but still, and this is so embarrassing but whatever, you probably already think we’re crazy since we’ve never really met but we keep sending you all these like 15 page letters (with snaps included!) and we own EVERY FLYKNIT YOU’VE EVER MADE and so on and so forth, but… okay… sometimes we pretend that when the UPS or FedEx guy comes trotting up the stairs to our place with a package in his hands—oh my God, we can’t believe we’re even telling you this—we imagine it’s from you, from your like Celebrity Sponsorship Department. And there’s like this hand typed card in the box that is all,
I’m sorry it’s taken us so long to get back to you but yes, we’d be honored to give you free shoes for the remainder of your natural born lives, as we admire your work and respect the shit out of everything you guys do. In fact, we’ve been talking about sending you to the 2016 Rio Olympics to document Track and Field and archery (obvs). Would you be into that? In the meantime, please find these ten pairs of Special Limited Edition Gold Lamé Japanese/Kanye West Collaboration Flyknits (aka SLEGLJ/KCFs, duh) as a token of our good faith and intention. Speaking of Kanye West, he’s a HUGE fan, would you mind if he tags along with you guys as a correspondent during the Tour de France or something? Anyways feel free to wear them at races in the mountains and get them wet and whatever—you didn’t pay for them!!!!
P.S., do you guys have any more of those Shibori shirts in stock, size medium? Totes need one!!!
IV Choosing Thai Food in St. Etienne Using Yelp
- Le Bangkok has several bad reviews.
- Bonheur d’Asie has many very favorable reviews, but it closed in 2012 due to a “Health Problem.” We assumed, based on the reviews, that it was a Health Problem related to the owner or chef of Bonheur d’Asie and not a customer.
- Battambang has a medium number of moderate reviews.
- Everything else was ruled out for one reason or another; distance, business hours, etc.
- Based on our options and the nature of the reviews and what we knew about France, we really wanted Bonheur d’Asie to be in business, but it just wasn’t.
- So we went to Battambang.
- We ordered one chicken curry, one ginger beef, one fried prawns, one pineapple chicken, two shrimp crêpes, two spring roll, two rice, two noodle and one chicken with fried noodle. Considering that the French hate salt, and that we were eating Cambodian food in St.-Etienne, France, the meal was 100% employable.
For you enjoyment we have published a selection of their menu and the corresponding google translations of their menu below.
Nos Viandes de Boeuf
- 54 Boeuf aux champignons noirs 6€80
- 55 Boeuf aux oignons 6€70
- 56 Boeuf au curry 6€60
- 57 Boeuf à l’impérial (pimenté) 6€70
- 58 Boeuf au gingembre 7€00
- 59 Boeuf Loc-lac (chinoise) 7€00
- 60 Brochette de boeuf cambodgien 7€50
Our Beef Meat11HAHAHAHAHAHA
- 54 Beef with black mushrooms 6 € 80
- 55 Beef with onions 6 € 70
- 56 Beef curry 6 € 60
- 57 Imperial Beef (spicy) 6 € 70
- 58 Ginger Beef 7 € 00
- 59 Beef Loc Lac(Chinese) .7 € 00
- 60 Cambodian beef skewer 7 € 50
V Stage 04 Playlist by Assorted FM Radio Stations
Please note that Tracks #6 and #8 are actually good songs. There might be some more good ones in there but it's 2:30 AM and I can't remember.
- 1 Martin Solveig & GTA Intoxicated
- 2 Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo Time of Our Lives
- 3 Ariana Grande One Last Time
- 4 Black M C'est Tout Moi
- 5 DJ Hamida feat. Tunisiano & Ramzi Abdelwaheb Bienvenue Chez Les Tounsi
- 6 LA Priest Onio
- 7 Barrington Levy On the Telephone (Minibus)
- 8 James Blake Life Round Here
- 9 Gabriel Garzón-Montano Everything is Everything
- 10 Cosmo Sheldrake feat. Anna Roo Rich
- 11 Yael Naim Take Me Down