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2015 Paris–Nice: Prologue

2015 Paris–Nice: Prologue

We’re not entirely comfortable with being respected and recognized.

2015 Paris–Nice: Prologue

  • (Technically this is a High-Low Point.) We’re not entirely comfortable with being respected and recognized. Fabrice, the ASO press dude, is startlingly kind, friendly and accommodating. We got all the stickers, all the vests, all the lanyards, all the literature we asked for, in fact, we have EXTRA credentials. Emiliano Granado, if you’re reading your own website, we have a badge for you.
  • There are basically three things you need a shower faucet dashboard control system to do. 1) You need to turn it on and regulate the flow of water 2) You need to control and manage the temperature of the water 3) You need to make it go from bath to shower, and back again. You probably don't think about it much but every time you meet a new shower you have to figure these three things out, sometimes from scratch. Sure, there are industry standards and conventions and all that, but not always. Seven minutes. It doesn't seem long to you but it is, especially when you’re sleep deprived and naked. It took me seven frazzled/confounded/perplexed/plussed/vexed-ass minutes to figure it out. I went through all the stages. Anger, grief, denial….all of them.

Here is a photograph of the aforementioned shower unit. I wish I could diagram it for you but we don’t currently offer diagram-tech on this website. Which website is new! At least I hope it’s new. It’s supposed to be new. This post, the one that you’re reading right now, is scheduled to be the first post of our very expensive, very amazing, very new website.



I Paris-Nice Facts by Klaus

  1. Nickname: Race to the Sun
  2. Paris—Nice was first held in 1933.
  3. It has since had 72 editions.
  4. Seven of those were won consecutively by Sean Kelly.
  5. In Scrabble, the race’s name would earn a player 13 points.
  6. Paris-Nice’s Twitter account has 11,800 followers, Paris-Nice’s facebook page has been “liked” 10,714 times.
  7. The typographic character between the words “Paris” and “Nice” is an en-dash. Longer than a dash (-), and shorter than an em-dash (—). It’s used because the en-dash represents a span or range, usually of dates or times.
  8. Despite it’s name, the race has not always started in Paris. In fact, it seldom does.
  9. Though Maurepas could be generally referred to as a suburb of Paris, it has no station of Paris Métro, RER, or suburban rail network.
  10. The race has had several owners, including cycling journalist Jean Leulliot, and Tour de France winner Laurent Fignon, who never won Paris—Nice.
  11. Jersey colors now match those of the Tour de France since the same company (ASO) now owns both races.
  12. René Vietto, 21, is the race’s youngest winner. He also held the record for having worn the yellow jersey the most days at the Tour de France (among non-winners) until 2012.
  13. It was due to the a crash and subsequent death of Kazakh rider Andrei Kivilev in the 2003 edition of Paris–Nice that the UCI decided to make helmets mandatory in races.
  14. The race was won by Carlos Betancur in 2014. His nickname is “Bananito” (little banana). It’s been reported that he’s not fond of this nickname.
  15. Some of the race’s business partners are: Jean Floc’h (producer of “quality pork meat”), RAGT Semences (produces and sells grains for farming and breeding applications), and Bürstner Camping-Cars (maker of RVs, including the flagship Nexxo, which features XPS insulation, polyester carpeting, anti-hail roof and cruise control)
  16. Paris is the most populous city in France. Nice is the fifth.
  17. The earliest settlements in Nice date back 400,000 years, making it one of the oldest human settlements in the world.
  18. Nice has few truly local dishes, the best known of which is the “Pissaladière,” a tart made with onions and anchovies (or anchovy paste).


II Manual for Speed’s Seven Pre-Race French Highlights

This list includes events from yesterday afternoon in Paris, and today in Maurepas.


  1. This is just Daniel’s individual tally: 13 individual pain au chocolats, 7 different makes from 6 different places, in less than 24 hours.
  2. In the rental car, on the Boulevard Périphérique in the final stretch to Paris from the airport, listening to Daft Punk’s Harder Better Faster Stronger on Cherie FM Pop.
  3. Taking the metro into the city, getting off at Cité. Walking around for thirty minutes. Crossing the river a couple of times. Taking it all in. Then getting into a cab and saying, out loud, with no shame or embarrassment, “Eiffel Tower, merci.” Looking at the the Eiffel Tower. Taking selfies with the Eiffel Tower. Admiring the Eiffel Tower. Then leaving the Eiffel Tower after having spent about seven, maybe eight minutes, in the Eiffel Tower.
  4. “Hey that building is the Hunchback building.” – Raoul
  5. “Whats a flying buttress11Emiliano Granado’s favorite architectural detail is a flying buttress. He legit gets giddy and excited to see them on every trip to Europe. It’s real cute?” – IanThe breakfast is not, I repeat, IS NOT, included in the cost of your room.”Daniel Pasley
  6. Dude dude dude dude, what if vending machines in third rate hotels sold two kinds of executive waters (Perrier and San Pellegrino), and you could use your credit card to pay for them. Even a vending machine on the third floor of the third rate hotel. What if you could just walk out into the hallway in your underwear, scratching your butt with the corner of edge of your Visa as you walked all the way down the hall, to get, at will, seemingly limitless quantities of fizzy water? Well, you can, and it’s called Hotel Acropole. But listen, the breakfast is not, I repeat, IS NOT, included in the cost of your room.



III Things Ian Marshall Says

  1. “Verizon keeps texting me22.”
2. I would think if it's a castle it would have a restaurant. Maybe that's just me.”- Ian Marshall

IV Things Ted King Says

  1. “Are you guys doing a house project?” Foreshadowing.
  2. “Can I have your headphones?” Tomorrow To Do’s: bring Ted my headphones. Also, this prompted a conversation about the predisposed nature of headphones to tangle. Apparently there is a study – anything over three feet long and it’s nightmare.

V Things Alex Howes Says

  1. The hardest thing I’ve ever done in France33Alex Howes has, for the record, finished the Tour de France (in 2014). is walk the Louvre. Twelve hours! No food, just a water fountain.”
  2. “I feel bad about not getting after Kasual Klub on social media, I’ve been seeing it out there. But I wanted to be true to the spirit of the project. It’s got an ethos man. So yeah, I will get to it at some point.”
3. There are a couple of corners in there that make you feel like Batman, like you’re cornering with a grappling hook.”- Alex Howes
  1. The angles, the lighting, the emotion. Perfection. In regards to this photograph.



VI Things Ben King Says

Ben King's #1 favorite "inactivity": guitar.
  1. “No comment.” To be fair to Ben, 1) When he saw us today, the first time since San Luis, he walked over to where we were Team Bus Lurking (TBL) and gave each of us an individual, fully kitted, heart felt hug. 2) We volunteered that in response to the question we just asked, we would accept the answer no comment.
  2. “I was expecting to see something crazy and French on Manual for Speed’s Instagram yesterday.”

VII Today’s Commentary About French Wifi (“WeeFee”) in the Form of a Math Problem

  1. Kevin Edward Brown lives in Portland Oregon, he is responsible for the final edit.
  2. There are 271 images in today’s edit.
  3. The size of each image is 750 – 950KB.
  4. The first image (when transferring using Google Docs the progress bar gives you a unit count) took three minutes to load.
  5. At that rate, at an average of three minutes per image, it would take 831 minutes or 13.85 hours to complete the upload.
  6. The upload started at 12:29 AM, based on the race start and our location we have to leave this hotel room at 9:30 AM.
  7. It’s 12:29 AM.
  8. The first person to email us the correct answers can have my Baltimore Orioles baseball cap.
9. Are we going to make it? Are there photographs in this post, the post that you’re reading?”- Daniel Pasley

VIII Salon De Presse: Gymnase Maledonne Acces Pole Nord, Avenue de Limagne

We're pretty sure this dish is responsible for all weefee traffic in France.

IX Start Area

Baby in French = Le bébé. If said baby is an animal, the preferred term is usually "petit."
Hedges that form avenues and roads first came about in the 16th century in French gardens like those in André Le Nôtre.
Comment dit-on, "Housing Development?"
Multi-tasking in French = multi-tâches.
"Pompadour" refers to a hairstyle named for Madame de Pompadour (1721-1764), mistress of King Louis XV.
When buying a suit, men should keep the following in mind when it come to vents (the slits on the back of said suit). One vent in traditional, two is refined, a suit without them will make you look like an extra in the TV show Dynasty.




F U N K Y & J A Z Z Y!!!


 This Field Recording made on 8 March 2015 in Maurepas, France. Please listen to the photo above.



Some French Police drive chess pieces at work.
“Say it one more time. I dare you. I dare you to say it. I swear to god I will…”
The movable headcrest, which is present in all cockatoos, is spectacular in many species; it is raised when the bird lands from flying or when it is aroused.
You can get your free CAPS gas card now by calling 056 73 30 00.
Auchan has 639 hypermarkets and 2,412 supermarkets around the world. Its headquarters are in Roubaix, France.
Hey Raoul, why did you make me take this photo? “#becauseKar!"
Review for the Hama Pro Strap II: "Great. Looking for a bit more comfort than the standard Nikon D300 strap, I eventually decided on this one. What can I say? It's comfortable, sturdy, easily adjustable."

X Along the Course

There must be a Matthew Broderick Convention in town.
According to the internet, the Fireblade is either the foundation of all sportbikes—the CBR "fireblade" produced by Honda is one of the top selling sport bikes worldwide. A perfect blend of Power and Flickability. The Fireblade is also credited for being one of the top machines in racing and extreme stunt riding. Many critics say that without the Fireblade, sportbikes would be no where near what they are today. Or, it’s a pretentious, obese, bland, motorcycle for pretensions, bland people. Built by Honda in an attempt to counter firstly the FZR, then R1, however it falls short. Easy to ride in a straight line. Easy for posing. Simply a bland motorcycle. Usually bought by people who are blind to marketing gimmicks and campaigns and have never gone around a corner in anger. Owner: "Look at my fireblade. It's the best sports bike on the PLANET!" Other conversant: "Why?" Owner: "Cause Honda says so."
In the MTV reality show Rich Girls, Ally Hilfiger (daughter of fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger) claimed that her father invented cargo pants. Later saying “people buy cargo pants in the midwest, not to say "Oh I could wear these with stilettos and a sexy top"...they buy them because they have a lot of pockets, because they work in the fields and they need them.”
The Campagnolo Ghibli wheel is named after Mister Ghibli.




Overzealous Traffic Whistling


This Field Recording made on 8 March 2015 in Maurepas, France.



The Pintrest account for -barn door shutters- has 466 followers.
Fashion designer Nina Ricci is buried in the Cimetiere La Courance. During a 2013 fashion show, Ricci's fashion show was targeted by bare-breasted protesters.
Jack Bauer. Favorite music to listen to: "Rock or grunge."
According to internet sources: "Fingerless gloves are useful where dexterity is required that gloves would restrict. Cigarette smokers and church organists use fingerless gloves."
phal·lic, (ˈfalik) adjective. Relating to, or resembling a phallus penis.




“Maurepas Fans Go Wild!!!” 


This Field Recording made on 8 March 2015 in Maurepas, France.



French hotels usually charge dog owners €8 per night extra for their pet. Most restaurants in France allow dogs and many provide food and water for them as well.

XI Finish

Frelontin is a fixture at the Tour de France. He is a retiree who dresses up, usually as a wasp, and tries to get on TV during mountain stages. To fund his passion, he continues to work into retirement. He trains young people, teaching them how to use heavy machinery that cuts sheets of cardboard.
Dear Downtown Alley fans eat your hearts out, that’s right, this is where we’re staying tonight, in the Juliette Room, in the East Wing! Cousin Rose is going to throw us a party!

XII A Brief Typology of French On-Foot Transportation

#teamscooter vs. #teamsneaker
Whose side are you on? Or are you a renegade #blader?
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