2015 USA Pro Challenge: Stage 05
Friday August 21, 2015 | Breckenridge, CO
If you don’t want your picture taken, then don’t come to the race in a costume that screams, “PLEASE TAKE MY PICTURE.”
13.5 km ITT
10623 or 5.1 miles
- Sleep in. ✓
- Photograph the bike race. ✓
- Take notes on the bike race. ✓
- Get excited about something, anything. X
- Rohan Dennis, 0:18:11
- Rob Britton, +0:00:27
- Brent Bookwalter, +0:00:31
- Daniel Eaton, +0:00:38 (!!!!!)
Completely new for 2015, the Breckenridge Time Trial will test all of a rider’s skills and will produce a truly worthy winner. The 8.5 mile time trial starts out flat for the pure time trialists. Then it’s back onto the climb up Moonstone road, still fresh in the pain file from the day before, for a test of climbing skills. Finally, the race could be won or lost going downhill this day, as racers will push the limits on the Boreas Pass descent to shave seconds off their time. Whoever wins will certainly be a racer who can hammer the flats, dance up the climbs, and carve down the descents.
I called it a circle. Daniel called it a lollipop. Technically, Daniel is more right. But before you judge me too harshly, just know that when I said the course was a circle I was just saying that it started and stopped at the same place (maybe a “loop”?—ed). Abstraction, you know, the essence of the thing? If I am going to be honest, I missed the point, this is definitely a lollipop deal, but definitely not the lollipop IDEAL. The course looks more like a tumor on a stick, or a wad of gum on a toothpick; it is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle of lollipops. Also there was this really steep hill the guys and gals had to ride their wind-cheating bikes up, although, judging from the looks on their faces, they might have been better off today if they had ridden their hill-cheating bikes. The hill was also the location of today’s House of Pain, and being within such close proximity to Breckenridge the Dare Wear Convention was in full swing. Even that horned helmet guy was there doing wind sprint after wind sprint up the hill next to the riders. Talk about a pitch perfect storm of Pain & Bullshit.
Every shop, cafe, grocery store, car tire service center, dental office, shoeshine stand, taco cart, every single commercial address in Colorado, any place that is selling anything, also has a Cornhole Toss set.
The game of Cornhole Toss, is that where we have come to as a society?
People just love to hand out free, unsolicited advice. You didn’t ask, you didn’t make even the slightest inclination that you needed it, and yet they give it to you. Not only that, but almost every single time, it is totally unhelpful. Just more competing information battling for space with those precious few good moments you try with all your might to hold on to.
Downtown Breckenridge is a fantastic representation of the mid-life crisis, gentleman cowboy, theme park, post-modernist architectural movement.
Because Dave Towle and Brad Sohner were both ruling the mic at the finish, the USA Pro Challenge hired a guy off the street to read the names of the up-coming riders. From what MFS can gather, whoever hired him must have been impressed by oversized dress shirts. This guy was wearing a doozie.
We started and ended the day at the B/B- Whole Foods. For lunch we had coffee. In the morning the Frisco Whole Foods was out of chocolate croissants. They had these miniature facsimile chocolate croissants, but instead of being made with butter they were made with chalk. Daniel downgraded this Whole Food’s ranking to a C.
Manual for Speed will have to retract our generous ranking of a B/B- given to the Frisco Whole Foods and replace it with a still generous ranking of C.
I Dear MFS Readers
If you don’t want your picture taken, then don’t come to the race in a costume that screams, “PLEASE TAKE MY PICTURE!” Don’t wear a bright orange sun hat or a green, red, and yellow Body Glove cycling t-shirt. Don’t carry your little cartoon dog in your arms. Don’t have a salt and pepper goatee. Don’t wear Blue Blockers. And, whatever you do, don’t stand right up against the barriers cheering for the riders. Because if you do all of these things, or even just a couple of these things, or really any of them at all, we’re going to think you want your picture taken. You have all the trappings for a potentially great photograph, an aura of the mysterious, a dash of the mundane, and a heaping helping of sincerity.
Please, if you don’t want your picture taken, all you have to do is to just ask us to take your photo.
II Today's Highs & Lows
- Rolling through the whole day on our Micro Scooters. Scootin' here, scootin' there, scootin' everywhere.
- Chatting with Axel Merckx and Nick Schuley from Axeon about Bo Jackson. (Dear Readers, if you have Netflix, you have Netflix right?, go watch You Don't Know Bo.)
- Sleeping in.
- Not buying the Homeland Security T-shirt with all the gnomes and hobbits on it from Space Cowboy.
- Dropping my iPhone and cracking my screen. (This is a public note for KVH from KEB: I dropped my phone the other day too, it left a crack in the glass approximately half an inch long and not even over the actual display, just over the bezel, which is fine right? but it broke the digitizer so even though the screen works fine I can't tap the top third of the phone, rendering it essentially useless.)
- The House of Pain.
- Waking up.
III Adjectives for Describing the Way Leaves of Aspen Trees Move in the Wind
IV Today's Playlist
Since we learned the census type facts about Breckenridge yesterday, today we bring you some other bits of information about “Breck.”
WARNING: Before reading, please note that these facts will also compete against your precious memories for space in your mind.
- In the movie Christmas Vacation, Chevy Chase takes a sled ride into the Wal-Mart parking lot. The scene was filmed on Breckenridge’s Four O’Clock run; at 3.5 miles, it’s the resort’s longest trail.
- Dumb and Dumber was also filmed at Breckenridge. A-Chair was the location for the scene when Harry’s tongue gets stuck on the chairlift.
- When the town was originally founded, it was spelled BreckINridge in honor of the Vice President at the time. (The people in town were angling to use this “honor” to get a local Post Office…and it worked.) Two years later that Vice President took sides with the Confederate Army when the Civil War broke out. The townspeople didn’t like this so they changed the spelling to BreckENridge.
- Breckenridge was inadvertently left off a U.S. map in the mid-1800s and became known as “Colorado’s Kingdom”. The mistake was NOT discovered or corrected until 50 years later. (Every summer the town celebrates this unique part of its past with the Kingdom Days celebration.)