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2017 Tour de California: Stage 01/04

2017 Tour de California: Stage 01/04

Sunday May 14, 2017 | Sacramento

Lachlan Morton has cobra skin bar tape. We are waiting for confirmation as to its origin and authenticity.

2017 Tour de California: Stage 01/04

I II III IV V VI
Race Stats
Start Location

Sacramento

Finish Location

Sacramento

Distance

70 km (Women’s 04) / 167 km (Men’s 01)

Number of Steps

14729 steps or 8.1 Miles.

Time of Filing

12:01 am, 1:05 am with modifications

Accomodations

SpringHill Suites by Marriott Modesto: SpringHill Suites by Marriott Modesto – Hey we’re in Modesto, and we’re going to be here all night. If you want to go back in time and hang with us we’re in room 212. It’s a SUITE. Meaning we have two beds, a desk and a couch. It’s the couch the makes this room SUITE, it has to be. We’ve had other rooms with two beds and a desk but no couch, and they are def not suite. Anyway come visit, and while you’re on the way scoop up a couple mini-bottles of Barefoot Merlot in the lobby. It’s not good, but it’s something. On aggregate we’ve probably spent like three minutes outside in Modesto, and I think even that’s pretty generous, so I shouldn’t be trusted to give you an accurate account of the place. What I can say is that it is sunny; not clear-sunny, but more of a dusty-sunny or a parchment-paper-sunny. Also Modesto, in spite of an aggressively wet winter, is still very very tan.

Today's Objectives
  1. Go to the race, watch the race, record the race, survive the race.
  2. Get our creds, car stickers, and race bible. Up and comers take note: even though you’ve been registered and you’ve received notice from this Bart character–who could be AI–confirming that you indeed have all of your credentials and that everything is COOL, trust us when we tell you everything is not always COOL. Bart can be like your cousin or your friend’s little brother or that kid from down the street who just wants everyone to like him so they tell everyone exactly what they want to hear: “Yo, you want creds? I got creds bro, for you anything, let’s hang.” And you’re like, “Yeah, things are cool, Bart’s cool I guess. Things are under control.” So you let your guard down and agree to hang (agreeing to hang=thinking you’re set with creds, stay up). You head to Bart’s house and he’s not answering the door, or your texts. Or maybe he does but you have to wait around outside for a long time and when you do get to hang it’s in some weird unfinished root cellar or in one of those tin sheds painted to look like a barn but is actually so rusted that the only thing holding it together is a cat’s cradle of Black Widow webs. Brass tacks, you shouldn’t expect hanging with Bart to be easy or fun. We sure don’t. But you know what? Sometimes Bart is just WAAAY cool. And today was one of those sometimes. We got our badges, our car sticker, and our race bible without needing to resort to persuasion or coercion. ✓+
  3. Check out the Michelob Ultra VIP lounge where we have been invited to enjoy the privilege and luxury of the elites. We got these passes and they entitled us to some VIP hangs, but you know what? There wasn’t time to enjoy them; we’re working media, we kinda need to cover the race. While we wanted to enjoy the myriad fruits of the VIP lounge: ungoverned access to free Michelob Ultras, free colas, free wine, free tacos, and most of all the chance to rub shoulders with the other VIPs, we couldn’t, we didn’t have the time. It’s a race, the athletes are literally trying to get it over as fast as possible. The truth is that time is the ultimate luxury, and we don’t have that privilege. X
Top 3 Finishers

Women

  1. Giorgia Bronzini (Ita) Wiggle High5, 1:38:03
  2. Coryn Rivera (USA) Team Sunweb Women, s/t
  3. Kirsten Wild (Ned) Cylance Pro Cycling, s/t

Men

  1. Marcel Kittel (Ger) Quick-Step Floors, 3:45:35
  2. Peter Sagan (Svk) Bora-Hansgrohe, s/t
  3. Elia Viviani (Ita) Team Sky, s/t
WIFI Details
I am currently listening to music (“Giant” by The The off of their album Soul Mining if you want specifics) and Daniel is hard at work editing images on the other side of the half-wall that divides our SUITE. Last I checked, he was having a difficult time accessing the SpringHill’s free WIFI. But if you’re reading this, well then that obstacle has been overcome. As for streaming music? Aces.
Weather
Sacramento hit a high of 73 degrees today. !!!!!!!!. !!!!!!!. !!!!!!!. Which, if you’re us, then you would know that this is a heavenly temperature! Our hometown of Portland has yet to emerge from the depths of its second wettest winter in 75 years. Sunburnt? I prefer sunkissed.
Quote of the Day
"That Starbucks had toilet paper stuck to the bottom of its shoe."
-Daniel on the Starbucks at I-5 mile marker 481, just north of Stockton.
"Seems like these days if you don’t have the Mexican champion on your team, you’re going nowhere."
-Dave Towle
Course Description [OFFICIAL]

Nine-time Host City Sacramento is no stranger to the Amgen Tour of California, having hosted two legendary tour starts as well as last year’s overall finish. Delivering an exciting showing every time, this year’s Sacramento leg will include the conclusion of the women’s race as well as the opening stage for the men as they begin their seven-day competition. Heading south out of Sacramento into the California Delta region, the course will be flat and wicked fast. At 104 miles, the stage has more mileage than prior Capitol City editions, including two sprints and three laps staged for speed in the shadow of the State Capitol building, guaranteed to bring an electric stage conclusion.

MFS Bible
Course Description [UNOFFICIAL]

Okay, so the women race on the same course as the men, but the men don’t race on the same course as the women. Atreyu, can you answer the riddle of the sphinx?

Today's Observation #1

Sacramento isn’t so much the capital of California as it is the capital of California East.

Today's Observation #2

This race is only going to get more exciting. It would be impossible for it not to.

Today's Observation #3

The music played at American bike races isn’t wholly comprised of Jock Jams Volumes 1-4. It’s just that the new-ish music that they mix in has been produced to sound exactly like it should be on Jock Jams 1-4.

Today's Observation #4

Lachlan Morton has cobra skin bar tape. We are waiting for confirmation as to its origin and authenticity.

Today's Observation #5

It is extremely difficult to determine at such an early stage if the Tour de California actually better with World Tour status. We wish it was obvious.

Meal & Food Report

Kyle: I had a pastry from the media room and three coffees: one Starbucks VIA instant mix at Josh’s house. One cappuccino at the race. And one Venti Americano at the race. Around lunch I snuck two Justin’s peanut butter cups while retrieving something from the car. Five spicy wings and a bucket of yellow curry from Thai Palace for dinner. I am going to estimate that I enjoyed at least 5 bottles of sparkling water.

Retractions/Corrections/Apologies

It’s neither a retraction nor a correction nor an apology, but it’s worth noting that Josh Rogers is a wonderful, handsome, intelligent, handsome, courteous, and delightful human being. He allowed us to stay in his home for two nights and helped us out with our Team Sky California Surf photoshoot. Listen if you want to know more troll his gram @joshuarogers. He coo.

The Crew
Daniel Wakefield Pasley
Kyle Von Hoetzendorff

I MFS Speed Center - TdC Stage 01/04

  • What’s more important, Animal Husbandry or Gold Panning?
  • Who are the five historical characters you’d most like to have on your side during the impending apocalypse?
  • Help us out with questions like these and more!

 

Take the survey on Google HERE!

 

It’ll just take a minute, and you’ll be entered to win some prizes!

II All-American Athlete

Animation by Steve Hockett.
  • Ian Boswell is proud to be an American. In fact, it comes up a lot for him in various interviews around the internet. It’s clearly something that’s on his mind.
  • He is Team Sky’s GC for the 2017 TdC. Or he’s “one” of Team Sky’s GCs for the 2017 TdC. He was a little bit vague on the matter.
  • Whatever, in our hearts and minds he’s our GC for the 2017 TdC regardless.
  • He’s GC, he’s American on a British Team, California is mostly in America, we American (for the time being), clearly we needed to focus on Ian over the course of this race.
  • Working in partnership with Team Sky and Castelli, we’ve set-up a series of interviews with Ian at the start of each Stage of the 2017 TdC.
  • The theme: What is it like to be an American athlete on British Team competing in a Eurocentric sport?
  • STAY TUNED!

III Men's Start

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IV Women's Start

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V Women's Race

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VI Men's Race

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