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2017 Tour de California: Stage 05

2017 Tour de California: Stage 05

Thursday May 18, 2017 | Mt. Baldy

Just moments before Ian set off to tackle the most best stage of the 2017 Tour de California he took a minute to talk to us about fishing. So chill.

2017 Tour de California: Stage 05

I II III IV V
Race Stats
Start Location

Ontario

Finish Location

Mt. Baldy

Distance

125.5km

Number of Steps

N/A

Time of Filing

1:04 AM

Accomodations

Best Western Big Bear Chateau: The only thing you need to know is that there is a giant wardrobe in our room. Yes, this is a Best Western, but nonetheless there is an eight foot tall mirror-fronted wardrobe in the center of the room. Also, a fireplace. My years of Best Western experience tells me that both of these things are WAY out of place. LIKE, WAY. But they’re here, and later tonight I plan on stepping into the wardrobe and having a bitchin’ Christian/Monotheistic Metaphor Journey or getting melted by a ghoul or just sleeping. I am hoping, deeply hoping, for option three. You’ll have to tune in tomorrow to see what happens. Although really, if options one or two happen then I am probably not going to be able to give you an update. But if three goes down, well, we’ll see you tomorrow.

Today's Objectives
  1. I parked the car in a hotel parking lot adjacent to the start because we were light late getting to the start. There are maybe 50 signs posted making it clear that if you aren’t a guest at the Shabazz Hotel or whatever that your car will be towed. Well, having my car towed would have been SUCH a bummer. So one objective was to make sure that my/our/Enterprise’s car wasn’t towed.
  2. Live to see tomorrow. Seriously buds, it’s currently 12:38 am and for every minute that passes I get more and more convinced that our hotel room is haunted. I didn’t start out the day this way. In fact, if you had asked me what I thought our room would be like tonight, I would have described the same room that I have stayed in for the last four nights. Not the Post-Modern Horror Hole that we’ve found ourselves in.
  3. Discuss fishing with Ian. Turns out Ian Boswell is Rad and he knows how to fish.
  4. Buy A-Clips for the step and repeat that we’ll have in action in Pasadena. If you weren’t planning on attending the final stage, well, now you have a reason. We bought the A-clips, they were 3s which means they’re clown shoe huge, but that’s all the Samy’s Camera in East Pasadena had in stock. I guess they hate function and convenience. Still, despite their best efforts, we got clipped.
  5. Meet Cole Maness and his daughter Shane for breakfast at the Urth Caffe. Cole, if you don’t already know, is a top tier human and well, his daughter is unreal cute and Urth Cafe is 100% fine.
Top 3 Finishers
  1. Andrew Talansky (USA) Cannondale-Drapac, 3:43:15
  2. Rafal Majka (Pol) Bora-Hansgrohe, s/t
  3. George Bennett (NZl) Team LottoNl-Jumbo, +0:02
WIFI Details
The wifi here is the equivalent of the refrigerator in your second apartment out of high school. It works. Lets just say it works.
Weather
I am not sick of the sun.
Quote of the Day
"Why are you letting these creepers hang about?"
-Tao Geoghegan Hart to Hannah Barnes, after the race when he noticed we’d been palin’ around.
Course Description [OFFICIAL]

The winner of the 2017 Amgen Tour of California could be decided on the final 15 switchbacks to the finish atop Mt. Baldy. It’s been called the “Queen Stage” and compared to the epic stages of the European Grand Tours. The training ground for many local Southern California riders, the race will return to the mountaintop finish that thrilled fans in 2011, 2012 and 2015. Only a handful had done the entire route, but after the race contested the climb in 2015, this is now one of hottest Strava segments in the U.S.

 

The race will begin at the Ontario Convention Center, marking the third time Ontario has hosted a stage culminating at Mt. Baldy.

 

This year’s route will head north into Upland. From here, the riders will start an 11-mile climb to the Village of Baldy. After an acute left, the racers will face another mile of climbing up Glendora Ridge Road to their first of three monster KOMs. From there, they will face 12 miles of narrow and twisting roads that gradually lead to a fast and technical descent down the backside of Glendora Mountain Road. Riders and fans alike can expect spectacular vistas throughout the Angeles National Forest. Another descent down East Fork will take the riders to Highway 39 and the town of Azusa. Heading east, they’ll race through the outskirts of Glendora.

 

A left turn onto Glendora Mountain Road (known by locals as the infamous “GMR”) will invite the peloton to a grueling 9-mile climb to the second KOM of the day followed by 12 miles of a slight climb back to Baldy Village. A left turn back onto Baldy Road will see the race gain 1,000 feet in just two miles… but the real climbing will be yet to come! At Ice House Canyon, the route will make a hard left turn where the sign to the ski area points toward the sky. Over the next 2.5 miles, the riders will face 10 switchbacks on a road so steep many of the race vehicles cannot make it to the top. With 1.2 miles to go, the road will straighten and the finish will be visible ahead. At .25 miles to go, the route will make a hard left and the racers will face the final five switchbacks to the finish line, where legends are made. The stage will include two sprints, three KOMs and a massive 12,000-foot elevation gain.

MFS Bible
Course Description [UNOFFICIAL]

Today is the queen stage. It’s steep. It leaves from beautiful downtown Ontario, right near the airport and then ascends into heaven. Twice. Humans, people, Americans and other people who happen to currently be in America came out and lined the course. They also challenged themselves by riding the course, by sweating on the course, by walking up the course. The athletes were not left to bear the burden alone. It takes a village.

Today's Observation #1

There are many, many, MANY people in the world that don’t look right in their clothes.

Today's Observation #2

The only difference between the bowl and salad options at Chipotle is the location of the lettuce. In the salad option, the lettuce is applied first and used as a base. In the bowl option, the lettuce is applied to the surface as an ostensibly healthy frosting. We’ll host a poll on Twitter this afternoon to determine which is better.

Today's Observation #3

I am still not Phil Gaimon. You should stop asking me for cookies because I am going to disappoint you.

Today's Observation #4

No matter what. No matter how we do it, no matter how we prepare, no matter how we strategize, it is always SO late when we get these things done. Sleep hates Manual for Speed. But do you? Do you hate Manual for Speed?

Today's Observation #5

Hannah Barnes and Ted King are cool, so cool. Hannah has been racing bikes since she was 10, and she hates tan lines. Ted love his flip flops and def deserves a job as an announcer. Also, bonus factoid, did you know Tao was part of a relay team that swam the English Channel? We learned some rad shit today.

Meal & Food Report

We hit up Urth Cafe. I had eggs on greens and an Americano in a cup from the set of Friends. Later, after the race was over, we visited a Chipotle in Ontario. I had a salad, but at Chipotle a salad is a yard sale burrito on a bed of shredded lettuce. I also enjoyed a Modelo Especial. Then we hit up Starbucks where I enjoyed a half-caf cap and a quartet of honey caramel dark chocolate deals. Later we visited the Vons in Big Bear. We bought waters and I bought a Malbec for nine bucks with twist off top, it was totes fine although I am suffering a bit from allergies so my nose wasn’t really in the best spot to give you a sense of the nose of the wine. But I think it was fine.

Retractions/Corrections/Apologies

My conscience is clean.

The Crew
Daniel Wakefield Pasley
Kyle Von Hoetzendorff

I Interviews with the Boz
Ian on Fishing

Just moments before Ian set off to tackle the most best stage of the 2017 Tour de California he took a minute to talk to us about fishing. So chill.

II Start - Ontario

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III Glendora Mountain Road

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IV Mt. Baldy

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"I could do that!" Fig. 01
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"I could do that!" Fig. 02
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"I could do that!" Fig. 03
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"I could do that!" Fig. 04
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"I could do that!" Fig. 05
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"I could do that!" Fig. 06
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"I could do that!" Fig. 07
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"I could do that!" Fig. 08
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V The Mt. Baldy Commute

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